One Person to be Kind to Today!

One Person to be Kind to Today!

Sometimes the hardest person for you to be kind to is you.  The problem is we may not even realize we aren’t being kind to ourselves.  From oversleeping, not completing a task on our to-do list, or making a mistake…how do you react to yourself?  Disappointment?  Anger?  Kindness?
 
Last year I went through a group program with some amazing women and one constant thing we would remind each other throughout our time together was to be kind to each other.  Throughout the time in this group, I was doing a lot of mindset work and I realized that sometimes I’m kinder to someone who has wronged me then to myself. 

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I’m lucky to have an amazing best friend.  We are a constant in each other’s life and do the things best friends do: Support, Cheer, Inspire, Comfort, Love, and when needed have the tough talks to make us a better person

Why are we not always those things to ourselves?  Shouldn’t we be our number one cheerleader?  When life is hard shouldn’t we comfort and love ourselves through the situation? 
 
I workout with a personal trainer two times a week.  I trust my trainer and we have a really good rapport and this particular day I wasn’t feeling good about the past few days I had.  He was talking me through it and by the time my session was completed I was feeling better about myself and was inspired to continue my healthy lifestyle.  A few weeks later as we were talking he said “I’ve only been mad at you once…it was when you were beating yourself up.  You have to remember to be kind to yourself.”
 
Talk about a wake-up call – once I got over the phrase “mad at you” I was able to take in what he was saying.  When I don’t do the best at my workouts or nutrition I shouldn’t beat myself up.  The truth is beating myself up wasn’t helping me to improve my ways it was just – well it was just making me feel even worse about it, but not changing anything.
 
You see, in all the mindset work I had done specifically about remembering to be kind to myself when it came to my past, my present, finances, and my business – I had not thought about being kind to myself specifically in relation to my health lifestyle.
 
The reason being kind to ourselves is so important is that when we talk or think negatively about ourselves our mind believes that as our truth which directly impacts our self-worth.   That’s why it’s important to recognize when we aren’t being kind so we can stop and flip the switch and show ourselves kindness and love.
 
What areas do you need to show yourself more kindness?  Comment below and share with me your thoughts or if you struggle with this.

With Love & Joy,
Alycia
Founder The Purple Dash
Self-Worth & Dream Life Coach

P.S.  I have a few openings left for one on one coaching at my current pricing.  Ask me for more information today!

Your thoughts create your worth...

Your thoughts create your worth...

I recently walked past someone that made a comment to themselves.  The comment instantly upset me and after thinking about it I realized I've made similar comments myself.  What was the comment I overheard?  "...you are so stupid!"  The context of the statement came after she made a mistake and the instant response she had was to verbally put herself down.  How many times does this happen?  We make a mistake and instantly say or think something that puts us down.  We are far more kind to others who make a mistake then we are to ourselves.  The unfortunate result of this common behavior is a hit to our self-worth.  

Your self-worth is entirely set at the value YOU give it.  No one else has that power unless we hand it over to them and allow the words and actions of others to become our own thoughts of ourselves.

I've shared before a particularly bad time in my life when I attacked myself as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror telling myself I was not only unlikable I was unloveable.  This is an example of me clearly attacking myself but what about those small moments before that day.  The moments I made under the breath comments or internal thoughts knocking myself down.  For me the little moments I spent putting myself down is what brought me to that big moment in my bathroom.

While I was working with a coach she told me the mind believes whatever you tell it, the more you say negative things the more real that becomes.  So flip the switch on that behavior and turn every negative thought into positive and see how that impacts your life.  I was challenged to watch for signs where I think or say something negative about myself and flip the switch.   It was such a wake-up call.  It wasn't even that I was thinking "oh Alycia you're an idiot" it was things like "oh wow look how amazing she did that, I can't do that"  or even "wow you definitely need extra concealer today."  

Flipping the switch is so important to change how you view yourself and your self-worth.  I not only ask my clients to focus on what they think and say about themselves and flip the switch when it's negative; I still do this today myself.  Every day we have challenges, successes, and yes even failures but when we still focus on the positive in us our self-worth increases.

Over the next few days listen to yourself, in what ways do you need to flip the switch?  Are there examples of thoughts that when you thought about it you realized it needed to be flipped?

 

Empathetic Speaking

Empathetic Speaking

Not only am I a coach but I am also an esthetician.  I recently had a consultation with a new client who is looking for help in improving her skin while hoping to make time to pamper herself and make time for her.  The hope is that by making time for her and getting help with some skincare concerns perhaps some anxiety she has will calm and she will feel better about herself.

During our conversation emotions got high and she shared with me how the struggles she is having with her skin and anxiety is effecting her self-worth.  On top of what she was already feeling someone close to her made the comment of “you used to be so pretty”.  Six words that ended up devastating her completely.

In hearing, how the conversation went I honestly don’t believe the person meant to be so uncaring it was a careless comment said when she just didn’t know what to say to make my client feel better.  Perhaps she didn't know what to say to my client so she tried to fill the space with something and said the first thing that came to mind.

Although the saying is “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  It’s a nice saying when your kid is teased at school by someone not their friend, but when words are said by someone you trust and love - words can break you. 

This got me thinking about empathetic speaking.   What is empathetic speaking?

In my opinion empathetic speaking is to not only put your heart into what words you say, but also how those words will be received to allow you to connect to the person.  Another part of empathetic speaking though is also knowing when the right words don’t exist but to just support and allow the silence to exist. 

So many people are afraid of silence.  I think people feel like allowing silence can be a bad thing.  Take it from this introvert (me), silence can be just what I need.  Sometimes it's not the words that matter it's the feeling of support that does matter.  

Brene Brown has an amazing video on empathy that I am going to include below.  Take 3 minutes and watch it and share your thoughts with me below.

With Love and Joy,

Alycia

 

 

 

 

 

I needed to put ME first!

I needed to put ME first!

In a coaching session with my coach I was told "Alycia, you are your first client.  In order to be able to help others the most you need to first be healthy, strong, and happy.  Care for yourself."

What is selfish?

I saw this quote recently:

"Selfish is caring for ourselves at others' expense ... Self-care is taking care of ourselves so that we can be there for others."
~ Bill Crawford

 Alycia, so many people are raised to believe that when you choose yourself then you are selfish.  Bill Crawford makes an interesting clarification in selfishness.  "Selfish is caring for ourselves at others' expense"...for me this was a missed lesson from my life.  I grew up surrounded by people that always put someone else's needs first.  The belief was one should be selfless and NOT selfish.  My question is though:

How happy can YOU be, if you are busy helping everyone else with their needs and wants?

I recently was talking to my coach and she reminded me that to be able to be present and happy in my life I need to go back to making myself a priority.  By making myself a priority I open the door to my dreams, my life purpose, and also true happiness.  

True Happiness...

My definition of true happiness is the joy and peace you feel when you are living your life purpose authentically.

I'm revamping the definition of selfish in my life.  It will no longer be selfish for me to choose me when it isn't at someone else's expense.  I choose me because my life matters, my needs matter, and my purpose matters.

Were you raised with the same belief that if you didn't always put others first you were selfish?  What are your thoughts on this?  I'd love to hear from you, go ahead and hit reply or go to my Facebook page and share your thoughts with me.  

With Love & Joy,
Alycia
Founder The Purple Dash
Self-Worth & Dream Life Coach